A bit of ranting....Please bear with me :(

Ok So this might be a bit long but I feel I need to get some things off my chest just because I feel so alone/neglected/hurt/insulted/everything. If you don't care for reading fine, whatever turn away but I could really use some advice/help cause i really want to get my mind off of this.

Idk if everyone know everything so I guess I will kinda start from the begining hence why i said bear with me and mentioned that this might be long. It is also kinda important so that what happened recently will somewhat make sense, though some of the details may be sketchy since it has been a bit.

So high school was a good and bad time of my life. I met many great friends and one who was...not really so great....and that is what this journal is about. I met her freshman year and everything was fine and dandy. We laughed, hadn't had a fight. That didn't last long. Junior year of High school I started getting into bleach. One of my other friends was excited and we talked about it all the time and it was something that i really enjoyed. I would also bring the managa to school with me to read and it would get lent out to people. Things were good. Then one day after a spanish final I got done early, I had my head phones in, and I got lost into one of said manga. I was at the character Bio's of that volume (so basically almost done) When a paper ball flies past my head. I thought nothing of it being a finals day, paper is bound to be thrown into the trash. A few seconds later my friend gets up and I fell the said paper ball hit the back of my head as my friend sits back down. Really confused i pic up the paper ball and in my friends hand writing I read "You can talk to me ya Know!" or pretty muh something along the lines of that. I hadn't realized that it was talk time due to reading bleach. Wanting to finish wha i was doing I went back to reading. When the bell rang a few moments later the bell rang and she stormed out of the room, not talking to me at all. I went to my last final of the day very confused and unable to concentrate. When i got home that day i burst into hysteric tears cause I didn't know what happened and I was very confused.

The next day at school Me and my other friend found out that she was mad because i was a bit obsessed with bleach. A few more days pass and everything is hunky dory again and we are back to getting along.
Again it didn't last.

March of junior year comes around and for my birthday my mom was gonna take me to a Bon Jovi concert. I was excited but at the same time I kept forgetting about it cause I got the news sometime in advance. So the day before the concert arrives and I am talking to my friend on fb (the one who started the previous fight) I remembered about the concert and told her that i wouldn't be at anime club long cause of it. For some reason she got mad and said the lack of info was exactly why she was quitting the relay team. Excuse me? when does she need to know every single detail of my personal life, it's not my fault that I forgot about it. I log off pretty mad. The next day comes and I end up not going to school, wanted to kinda rest up for the concert, that and I kinda had a headache. I log on fb a few minutes before my mom is supposed to get home to make an update and saw a status my friend wrote. She was once again mad at my obsession for bleach. She had changed her anger from lack of info to an obsession. To me that doesn't make sense, and it really hurt. We kinda started fighting again and i was crying when my mom got home making her get into it as well. I call my bleach buddy in complete tears and she calmly told me to remain calm and she would help me figure it out in school/anime club sometime. After getting off the phone i learn that my friend is telling my mom to take away my anime and other things like that. getting fed up my mom shut off the laptop and we head to the concert. I did enjoy the concert but it took me a bit since i was still pretty upset at my friend. Of course we made up again but it goes on.

Senior year comes around and the topic is brushed upon a little since the grudge feelings are being brought up cause of a class i was taking. her response: "Why dso you keep bringing that stuff up? I was the victim in all of that anyway?" Excuse me? I'll let you guys judge that but seriously I took a paper ball to the head, plus i need to mention she has an obsession of her own that has been around longer then my bleach obsession. Thought I should bring that up since it has to do with the next part of this journal. And I guess I'll go into more detail on that here:

So m friend has a HUGE obsession with Joe Jonas, the jonas brothers in general but more Joe than anyone. She would talk about him more then I would talk about bleach and it consumes 95% of her fb posts. Now while she is staring crap with me about my obsession I am doing nothing while she talks about hers. Now moving on.

About a year ago, as some of you know my grandma passed away. One detail I don't think I mentioned in that is I also texted some of my friends while crying in that hospital parking lot. Most were supportive. But one friend was not. I texted her the news. Heres the reply I got: "Joe Jonas's status is funny"......seriously? I could not get myself to text her back after that, how could anyone text back after that. All I could do was cry harder. I was so pissed and upset.

Now we re going to get into the now. I have delt with her fb obsession with joe for a while and was soon starting to get sick of it but still didn't want to bring it up. Why should I put her through the hurt she caused me? I valued her riendship stil...I don't know why but I can accept alot of crap before I am pushed to my limit. Soon enough I hit my limit (about a month or 2 ago) She had a staus and a friend made a comment on it (which I hope she reads this cause I am sorry for using you comment like this I was just upset still. I can hold grudges like a mother) So I made a comment about it hinting about our fights and how I was sick of it. She messaged me and we talked it out a bit. Apparently there were huge differences between our fights. Apparently mine was worse cause it was real life and was interferring with personal issues(She was losing one of her best friends to something...Idk) while hers was on fb......again...excuse me? Where the hell where you when my grandma lay in the hospital dying? Oh thats right...TALKING ABOUT FREAKIN JOE JONAS!!!!! Now to clear some things up. I didn't know she was in a fight with a friend cause she didn't speak up and also(yes I know this quote is contradicting this whole journal but still) "friends come and go but family is forever." I was kinda mad but stupidly acted like it was ok as she told the friend who's comment I used that we had worked this out. BULLSHIT!!! I am still super freakin pissed. It has now been a month or 2 and she has been unfriended. I unfriended her a week or  after our fb convo.

Now here is why it is still on my mind., She hasn't noticed.... I'm kinda confused and don't know why I still think about her after all the bullshit she put me through. Sometimes I feel like crying but at the same time she can no longer be little me. Is it ok for me to kinda miss her? At the same time I also realize that if she doesn't notice that I'm gone then did she really value my friendship or was I just her punching bag? Which also really hurts because i value all my friends and love them all to death and enjoy when I am with them but if they act like this then really? What the fuck kins of friend are you? Idk Just felt like sharing cause I'm just confused and still a bit hurt. Kinda lonely too. I dont Know, is this normal?

Again sorry for the length. I know it is alot but it's just...ugh...something I needed to get off my chest. I really don't want to contemplate or worry about it anymore. I just want to know if these feelings are normal.